letting go of a friendship is rough

I am struggling to kiss off a forty-year friendship I thought would last my lifetime. Its decline doesn’t need to be outlined here, but someone I used to love dumped me and didn’t say why. It happens, but it’s not fun to let go.

I’m tired of self-examining my character, explaining to myself why she cut me off, looking for personality flaws. My problem is not having closure. If I knew what I did wrong and she gave me the courtesy of a goodbye to my face which a true friend would do, I might feel better, so I’m forced to let go without a confrontation.  Much as I try to figure things out, only change is real.

I’m thinking of loss as change, which brings me some comfort. People really do change, and clearly, my old friend is not the one I started out with so long ago, and it seems I’m not the one she started out with, either.  I don’t understand why she kicked me to the curb, and I’m not going to know.  I have to accept her dismissal.  My considerations went deep enough to have been delivered to me in last night’s dream.

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