Divorce Effects

November 17th, 2015

health helicopter

Second husband had an aneurysm yesterday, and was flown from Alaska’s Prince of Wales (POW) Island to Seattle by helicopter or something dramatic like that.  His children from multiple marriages were present at his side, including mine, and he’s sounding perky, like he’ll make it.

We’ve been divorced for decades, but he is the blood father of my oldest son, who recently moved to Seattle and bought a house with his own money.

Three years ago, my son flew up to POW for the first encounter with his blood father since he was five months old.  I returned to California with him because we had to go different ways.  My life was better for having known him, even though there were excruciating times between us, because he didn’t connect with his son during his childhood.  I have made amends to him for my parts when we were together.  He moved on, too, had other wives.  My third husband and I have been married almost 25 years.

People who survive divorce understand what I mean about mixed emotions when bad things happen to the ex.  This second husband and I would have surely killed each other, but we had four years together, mostly not fun.  There was fun there, too.  I’ve been reflecting on what love really means, and how time passes in each of our lives.

I can’t say that I really loved my second husband, because I spent adult years learning what love means and our marriage wasn’t really that.  We had different values during our time together.  I needed a baby and he was happy to oblige.

My baby has grown into a confirmed adult homeowner.  Raising him as a single mother, and eventually, with my third husband defined my life.  My son’s true Dad is still my husband.

Crisis makes me pause and remember old times.  I’m not at all part of my second’s life, but his son has reached out to his blood father and his other half-siblings. and is part of a family he doesn’t know.  He shows up anyway, and I’m proud of him for that.

Husband number two and I had a brief phone call after he first met his son three years ago.  He told me, “You did good” raising our child. It was only a moment, but blood parents looked at our child together, and agreed our son was great.  I’m glad we did.

Bless his heart.  I hope the aneurysm isn’t too severe.

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