working on growing up

February 9th, 2016

let the light in

Constantly fixing myself gets old, and I’m trying to let go of always trying to ‘be better’.   I’m sick of focusing on what doesn’t work in my life.  I’m tired of feeling like a victim from life’s struggle.  Let’s go with new thinking!

My grandmother was a master martyr, and I learned from her.  I watched her behave, and learned how to take on another’s pain, their disappointments, and to believe that my life doesn’t count on this planet.  Those are beliefs, and they are old tapes, even though they are installed in my memory’s hard drive.  I rationally know I am not the bad guy in every single thing that goes wrong in the world, but that behavior is often my first response.  I need tools to overcome this difficulty.

So, hello affirmations, a fine personality adjustment tool. I can remind myself that I am worthy of breathing.  I don’t have to prove my worth to other people all the time.  I cannot cure the world of all problems even though I want to cure everything.

The weight of the world does not rest on my shoulders unless I let it.  Believe it, Pru. In the scheme of things, everything counts for something.  I can let go of old pieces of malarkey foolishness in my mind that tells me lies.

I can try to relax and breathe.  Prayers help me let the world do its thing.

Ok. I’ll try affirmations today. Today I trust the world is bigger and more aligned than my mind can understand.  I can trust life for today, and continue to grow up into a mature spirit.

I am grateful for words and a chance to express myself in a healing way.

2 responses to “working on growing up”

  1. Marilyn says:

    Ah Pru, my friend, you have always been enough and you always will be. The Beatles had it right: let it be.

    • Pru Starr says:

      I’m choosing to grow up, and my addiction to self-hatred is dissipating. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone. Thank you for your support.

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