I’m trying to be kind, and it’s not easy. I don’t think I’m an egomaniac who always wants things to go her way, but my family members have seen me like that. They complain when I bring up stuff they don’t want to discuss, like what needs to be done, or when I mention problems they don’t want to solve. I really annoy them. My irritating habits of saying things they don’t want to hear seems a personal defect.
I’m trying to be kind. That starts by listening more closely to what people complain about, and not judging every behavior by what I expect. I’m working to keep my mouth shut when it’s not my business, but that’s almost impossible.
Since I consider myself a Christian, I try to strip down to the core, and practice tolerance. I love people. I act polite to strangers, don’t steal or try to get something for nothing. I practice the golden rule as my creed. I wish I really believed it. But I try and act like I believe it.
I do believe love is stronger than death. I tell myself struggle has merit. It’s necessary to grow more fully human during the struggle. I want my tolerant behavior for the world to see. I hope patience with my family will grow, and extend into the community.
I am trying to be kind. Patience must start with me and how I treat my family, even while they drive me insane. I’m practicing silence right now.
It would be so easy to let go of my demands and start ordering people around. I used to do that. I am not appreciated when I do that, so I choose to change. I will not live more than thirty more years, a finite amount. If I want this precious day to go well, then I must change my attitude to make it that way. Maybe gentleness provides a stronger model than bossy demands. I feel like I have more dignity when I tap into kindness. It’s worth the effort.