I’m trying to be kind, and it’s not easy. I don’t think I’m an egomaniac who always wants things to go her way, but my family members have seen me like that. They complain when I bring up stuff they don’t want to discuss, like what needs to be done, or when I mention problems they don’t want to solve. I really annoy them. My irritating habits of saying things they don’t want to hear seems a personal defect.
I’m trying to be kind. That starts by listening more closely to what people complain about, and not judging every behavior by what I expect. I’m working to keep my mouth shut when it’s not my business, but that’s almost impossible.
Since I consider myself a Christian, I try to strip down to the core, and practice tolerance. I love people. I act polite to strangers, don’t steal or try to get something for nothing. I practice the golden rule as my creed. I wish I really believed it. But I try and act like I believe it.
I do believe love is stronger than death. I tell myself struggle has merit. It’s necessary to grow more fully human during the struggle. I want my tolerant behavior for the world to see. I hope patience with my family will grow, and extend into the community.
I am trying to be kind. Patience must start with me and how I treat my family, even while they drive me insane. I’m practicing silence right now.
It would be so easy to let go of my demands and start ordering people around. I used to do that. I am not appreciated when I do that, so I choose to change. I will not live more than thirty more years, a finite amount. If I want this precious day to go well, then I must change my attitude to make it that way. Maybe gentleness provides a stronger model than bossy demands. I feel like I have more dignity when I tap into kindness. It’s worth the effort.
I like this blog. I have definitely learned that it is better for others to not be bossy and demanding. I also find it is easier on yourself to let things go. People will find their own way. Even if you want to you can’t make someone do something. It is hard, I know, but it is best for yourself.
Thanks for that insight, I agree with you, letting go of powerlessness is not easy, but necessary.