poor me

August 30th, 2016

I don’t know answers

I have a high class problem, living in two places.  Poor me.  Our kids grew up and moved out, we have property in Calaveras County and in Bel Aire, our Marin County subdivision.  Each month, I drive three hours down the Sierra foothills and stay for a week to pick up our mail and handle  appointments.  My husband stays on Bald Mountain Road and runs our ranch.  He doesn’t seem to miss the Bay Area like I do.  I love both places.

I am reassured to see my Bel Aire neighbors living with their routines.  Trees and bushes in their yards grow bigger every year.  The ashes of my people are here.

My eighteen year-old cat is still alive and lives quietly in our yard.  He is an old suburban cat, used to pesky blackbirds and skunks.  If he moved up to the Sierras with us, mountain lions would eat him in a heartbeat.  He belongs in his yard.  Thank God for two reliable high school girls who feed and keep him going in Bel Aire.

The cat and I have telepathy.  He knows I need him.  It can’t be easy for him to live in a little cat house under the eaves, knowing the girls will show up to feed him.

Life just is.

Carol King’s song So Far Away says it, so far away.  Melancholia feels like it might kill me tonight, but feelings are not going to kill me.  I do not like unpleasant emotions.  I want a guaranteed “happy-happy-joy-joy” all the time.

If I had my way, nobody would feel sad or lonely.  Is that being a Pollyanna?   I wish for Merry Christmases and figgy pudding.  Everyone would have great jobs, and we would live near each other.  Mountain lions would not eat surburban cats.

I am not surviving a devastating Italian earthquake or the nightmare of Brazilian presidential impeachment.  I have learned to experience negative emotions, and change my perspective.  I have learned to recognize self-pity for what it is, even though I still want my way.


5 responses to “poor me”

  1. Tami from Way Back says:

    This is a draft. In other words, you are putting it down there, and you know some of it is diamond-in-the-rough quality, but you don’t care for it yet. Just throw it out there. I like the theme, and would like to watch as you keep massaging it. From a technical standpoint, you and your cat have “a” telepathic connection, where “a” was left out. Love ya!

  2. Tami from Way Back says:

    Go ahead, have some more figgy pudding on me!

  3. Mary Keogh says:

    Love the part about your cat. You have heard about my cat who I relocated to Amador County. He is doing fine but has to be exclusively inside which is a big change. When he was outside it was on a busy street in Oakland. since he is getting older, I feel OK about keeping him in now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *