Seeking comfort can be a learned skill. My counselor taught me how to feel better when I found myself overwhelmed by life. She made suggestions I pass on in this blog.
She first recommended a book called something like “Ways to Create Comfort” which I read while standing in a bookstore. Thank you to the author whose name I do not recall at this time because there were some comforting tips.
One suggestion was to understand that comfort is a good thing. We deserve to be treated with comfort and not be hard on ourselves. It was suggested that I find warmth, with a cup of tea, bath, sitting wrapped in a blanket before a fire, even a candle and try to calm down. Low lights provide a safe feeling, too. I have set mood lights around my house at night, during times of great stress, and am lucky to have a fireplace. When I was broke and struggling, neighbors let me to tear apart their old fences and haul them away in my Toyota Tercell, with a hatchback full of super dry firewood, enough for one evening. I felt twice warmed, like I helped my neighbor and myself.
I stuffed my face with comfort foods and gained weight, not a good way to go. The fat on my thighs did nothing to quiet my heart.
I struggle with reaching out to others. I would rather bleed to death than call someone for a tourniquet. My lifetime goal has been not to feel ashamed of needing comfort. Healing happens when I pick up the phone and talk to a trusted friend.
I also used suggested psychological strategies, like “naming, claiming, and letting go.” I isolate pain and discomfort by naming it, saying, “I feel hurt.” I try and give up the emotion by praying for relief or by screaming to get the pain out of my body.
I can remember that discomfort will surely pass, and I will not die from negative feelings, even though it feels that way.
Writing this blog comforts me because I am telling the truth. I pass on what learned, and trust that someone may read. Perhaps some comforting tips may also work for others.