facing negative emotions

August 25th, 2015

the kid’s eyes say it all

Sad stuff goes on and on.  I  have learned to accept what I can, and manage my life beyond negativity, especially if I can’t do anything except change my attitude.

I’m in a love place, feel determined to believe in the old slogan, Think Globally, Act locally, which was around when I was a teenager.  I think it’s true.

There is sad news of Jimmy Carter’s cancer.  Many people admired his positive attitude towards helping humanity.  I have felt inspired from his loving courage to be positive with skills he developed.

It’s enough to give back to the world, and to recognize strengths, like the importance of reading.  I want young children to learn how to read and grow up thinking for themselves.  I want the world better, like Jimmy Carter’s commitment to give back love until the end.  He’s even teaching Americans how to die with dignity.

I’m facing sad memories in my life because I’m painting emotions.  The plan is to face the pain and move past it.

It’s important that I paint pictures from my heart, regardless of whether or not the work sells or if anyone else likes it.

I’m painting a portrait of two seven year-old girls in long ago school pictures.  One little girl is me, and the other is a friend who also grew up in difficult times like I did, family drama with booze and such.

We both had pictures taken by school photographers who wanted us to smile, be cute and happy.  It’s all Gina can do to crack one lip upward.

My mouth is buttoned down so tightly it’s a wonder I could even speak. I remember trying to be good, but didn’t know why I felt so disconnected from happy things.

She felt the same as me, but we were hiding from the truth, and both felt confused.  We lived in different parts of California and were experiencing the same sad feelings.  That’s why I want to paint us together, because I believe in a spiritual way, we are similar.

I decided to paint the two girls side by side, ordinary girls, but extraordinary in their emotions that show in their eyes.  I’m trying to say “look at us, trying so hard.”

I am not a natural portrait painter, but I tried to express my respect for surviving rough childhoods with out of control parents.

Kids can survive difficulties by expressing their own honest goodness, despite insane adults surrounding them.  We can be strong children who grow up to be strong adults, like my friend and me.  It may take years to declare good mental health, but late is better than never.  Negativity doesn’t have to be a lifelong burden.

I wrote a poem to go along with the portrait:


I know Gina’s smile in her grade school portrait

I paint two girls with the same soul

my eyes show loneliness

parents didn’t see

Gina tries to smile in her grade school portrait

to be good enough

her lips raise up slightly on the corners


when families broke our hearts

we carry sorrow on our shoulders

invisible shadows

and we wanted so badly to be good



I’m not so sure the poem is that positive, but maybe someone else can relate to what I’m trying to describe.  Life can be so painful for many of us.  If we keep the love flowing and tell the truth, we’ll be survivors and a positive with be our destiny.



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