January 16th, 2018

forceful requires responsibility

Inferiority can be defined as pride in reverse.  If I feel like I’m the worst person ever born, how is that any different than feeling like I’m the greatest?  Both perspectives are not accurate, and both positions erode the soul.

Choosing a spiritual path changed my life because desperation led me to make a decision. I don’t want to strive to be general manager of the universe anymore.  The day I let go of trying to be the boss of the planet, tremendous relief washed over me. I struggle to remember that everyone has their path.  I’m traveling  alongside others.

I had a recent conversation that felt like a scolding.  A close relative felt strongly that I eroded family intimacy because I reacted to how much booze was flowing during Christmas.  Understandably, I am terrified of the hereditary aspect of alcohol, and my fear bleeds into family dynamics.  They felt my fears took over recent good times, even though I didn’t mean to.  I heard and agree.  I don’t want my fear to dominate everything.  So what to do?

Listening starts my healing.  I did not try to explain or defend myself.  The past is over and if I am perceived by a relative as being rigid, so be it.  I can choose to change my behavior, and learn humility, pay attention to fear, and try not to react by humiliating someone, or try to be right.  Respect counts more than my need to control.

I accept my powerlessness over just about everything.  If life has a flow, I can become part of it.  My recent dream about being in three rivers and choosing one, despite obstacles reminded me to trust my dreams.  I can grow and pay attention to my soul.

My forceful personality alienates many people who don’t like it, and  I’ve been ashamed of myself because of what others think when fear shows up like self-righteousness.  I can lighten up and train my brain to let go of outcomes.  Easier said than done.  My behavior can change right now.

I can rethink through old behavioral habits.  This morning I remembered the slogan, Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?   What can I do to get out of my own way?  Prayer and meditation calms me down. I can put on a jacket and take a walk, give the dogs some fun in between rain.  I can rise to challenges and see life more like a song.

Sing my part, try to stay on key and let the universe direct.  Be grateful for rhythm and variety.  Stay out of my own way and grow.

One response to “process”

  1. Wayback Machine says:

    “… where honey bees hum melodies and orange trees scent the breeze.” Keep on harmonizing and life will be good.

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