ugly necessity

January 9th, 2018

accept the motion

Dream of struggling in three rivers:

I find myself struggling, immersed in water like a log headed toward a sluggish lower tributary which and moves into swampy dark tree woods and don’t want that, so I pull hard with my arms acting like oars, and move upstream which feels victorious, like surviving an undertow riptide.  The water changes, less thick, has more current.

Outside myself, I pulling upstream to a more rapid river tributary, which I choose because it feels right.  Of course there are obstacles,   Inside a concrete enclosure facing upward, I struggle to pull my body over one side of its wall, using footholds like a built in swimming pool ladder.  I am too fat and barely pull my butt over the top, but when I finally make it, the rest of me follows out of the enclosure.

I fall into a plywood debris shoot tumbling into a ravine, end over end.  It abruptly stops with slow moving blue gooey creatures at the bottom of the shoot.  Very gross.

Then I wake up.

Of the three choices, I decide gooey gross consequences.  I accept struggle, but do not like being in a plywood shoot, because I have to go through the goo to get out. The blue creatures are ugly.

Perfect dream for me today.  Ugly necessity, to struggle with unforeseen consequences and ongoing motion.

Themes include facing transition, and I am alone in my struggle.  Like everyone else in the world, I continue moving and experiencing immediate consequences from every decision, knowing there are no right decisions.  Motion keeps me from feeling trapped.  No choices are very good, but intuition knows, and I trust my choice.  Proceed, even though it’s a drag.

Work hard to get out of the shoot.  Nobody knows what will happen, and I don’t really want to know.  Keep moving forward and face what comes.

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