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watching her grow

September 29th, 2015
Palm Beach circa 1900 - 1906. Reproduced from the collections of the Library of Congress.

Palm Beach circa 1900 – 1906. Reproduced from the collections of the Library of Congress.

My cousin is very brave when it comes to facing her feelings, and for years she’s practiced coping skills to help her with reactions from people who don’t want to discuss unpleasantries.

Several cousins got together for a picnic, and I listened to my cousin handle topics that truly used to terrify her.  She knows how to use skills like recognizing painful emotion when they appear, naming her deep experience and staying in direct contact with temporary negative emotion.  She responds honestly about how she feels by using specific language. Continue reading “watching her grow” »

blessed life

September 15th, 2015
site of magic

site of magic

Sometimes the unexpected makes this life worth living.  Butte fire evacuation was lifted in our area yesterday, so I returned with three dogs and stuff I think I need.  Our house still stands.   Continue reading “blessed life” »

facing negative emotions

August 25th, 2015

the kid’s eyes say it all

Sad stuff goes on and on.  I  have learned to accept what I can, and manage my life beyond negativity, especially if I can’t do anything except change my attitude. Continue reading “facing negative emotions” »

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blogging blather

August 11th, 2015
grey-cat-face

what a face

Thank you for reading my blog.  In my opinion, blog writing is similar to the sound of one hand clapping in its energy and focus, because something goes on, but may not make noise.  There is a sad ‘no read’ blog world out there, and I’m probably in that category, but so what? Who determines sad?  What is the sound of one hand clapping?  Clapping becomes part of the wind, like a leaf blows.  It may be like a butterfly wing flutter that changes the world.

I need to write about what’s going on in my mind, and gaze at words I’ve written down.  I feel a sacred desire to express myself, like picking up rocks and looking at surprises underneath. I don’t see writing as a lonely activity.  What fascination to consider the history of each letter, and combining letters into comprehensive word and ideas become antiquity, like Chaucer or Beowulf.  I will be antiquity soon enough, but not today.  I am not Chaucer, but who knows what influence blogs will have in a thousand years?

Changing the subject: my seventeen year-old cat had his annual shots, and even though he looks healthy for an old guy, he is losing weight.  I don’t want him to die and he’s not sick, but the train’s coming down the track, so to speak.  I need him in my life, and I’ve written other blogs about him.  I’m experiencing guilt for choosing not to get blood work done on him. Why do blood work to find out what’s going on?  Yes, I’d get information, but he’s on borrowed time already.

I pick up my cat and love him as much as he allows me to hold him.  He’ll let me brush him and then scratches me to draw blood before he jumps off my lap.  I don’t need ‘cat scratch fever. ‘

Blogging may be seen as self-indulgent, like blathering about my cat.  Maybe it is blather, but maybe when I reach out about simple things, it makes a difference, like the fluttering butterfly wing.  If I write a little about my love toward my cat, it can’t be all that bad, can it?  I don’t need to write the Declaration of Independence every week.

 

 

 

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eye to eye and win/win

August 11th, 2015
talking helps

talking helps

“How are you doing?”

“Fine…”

“No, how are YOU REALLY doing?”

An indigenous basketmaking man named Richard lives in our town, and we’ve had occasional conversations through the years.  It’s not like we’re close, but we like each other.  As I drove by the other day, I saw him alongside Highway 88 cutting willow branches into a pile.  I made a u-turn and parked my car. Continue reading “eye to eye and win/win” »

fencewalkers

June 23rd, 2015
fences

kids on fences

My friends and I snuck out at night.   I remember being a fencewalker:

”Meet me after dark over by the fence.  Bring toilet paper, ’cuz you know how we always have to pee once we get on the other side.” My neighbor planned our nighttime journeys on the tops of other neighbor fences.  I jumped out my window, landed on the ground outside my room, snails crunched under my feet, and barefooted my way down to where two fences met.  I hope she didn’t invite Larry, our dorky neighbor from down the street.  Loud and clumsy, he’ll wreck it. Continue reading “fencewalkers” »

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It changed but wasn’t wrecked

June 2nd, 2015
our hills

our hills

I was seven years old when Tami invited me down the street to her dress up birthday party.  She was a year older, and I thought she was far more sophisticated than me.  Her dad was a professional photographer and he took a picture of the party girls dressed up in their fancy clothes. Tami stood in the center in her mink, sporting a black eye her brother had given to her by accident.  I stood a couple of girls to her left, wearing a gypsy skirt and top my mom altered for me from her wardrobe. My wide smile showed my thrill to be part of that celebration.  The photograph remains as one of my childhood treasures. Continue reading “It changed but wasn’t wrecked” »

Spiritual walking

May 26th, 2015
Spain-Camino-de-Santiago1

a typical sight on the Camino

I recently made a ten day spiritual walking pilgrimage to Galicia, Spain and the Camino, the way of St. James.  This ancient pilgrimage is 850 km long through Spain, over a thousand years old, and has had a huge resurgence in the last fifteen years. There are many trails, and I only did a small part of it.  It goes lots of places, from France, Portugal, Europe, as far away as Hungary.  The French pilgrimage takes at least two months to walk.   I’m glad to have walked some of it. Continue reading “Spiritual walking” »

Trust

May 19th, 2015
he did not really care

he did not really care

I recently had a conversation with a British woman who told me about her recent breakup with a man she felt was ‘keeping her a secret.’  He didn’t introduce her to his friends or family, and he never showed affection toward her in public.  He almost acted embarrassed to know her.  She confided that several boyfriends did not show her public respect, and yet going out with these males had become a sort of pattern. Continue reading “Trust” »

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