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roots of confusion

December 20th, 2016

imgresMy grandmother Brown was in her eighties when she moved from Baltimore to live with us.  She had nowhere else to go.  Neighbors helped my mother convert our garage into her bedroom, with a portable heater.  My grandma shipped her stuff in moving crates to Tiburon, and somehow I was in charge of unboxing, deciding values of things I knew nothing about. Continue reading “roots of confusion” »

loose cannons

December 13th, 2016
smoking weed started off as fun

smoking weed started off as fun

Lindy was my best friend in junior high and I spent the night with her almost every weekend.  Her room had double French doors with brass handles opening onto a tiny porch, enough for two sleeping bags.  I memorized the sparkling Richardson Bay skyline looking out toward Sausalito streetlights.  Standing like the Supremes, we practiced Stop In The Name Of Love, moving in unison like we were on stage, synchronizing arm movements, making stop, like Diana Ross. Continue reading “loose cannons” »

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what is coming?

December 6th, 2016
images

birds in flight

William Butler Yeats wrote The Second Coming in 1919 in the aftermath of World War I . Continue reading “what is coming?” »

Feeling like a poor relation

November 29th, 2016
Lindy's house was a mansion

Lindy’s house was like a mansion

Lindy was my best friend from the day I met her in junior high school.  I was the tallest kid in school, shy, and full-on puberty chunky.  Lindy was short and stocky, and ran with popular kids from her elementary school.  I copied her, and we hung out on weekends with her sisters and their friends, smokers and wine drinkers. Continue reading “Feeling like a poor relation” »

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comforting branches

November 22nd, 2016
eucalyptus heaven

eucalyptus heaven

I felt at home in every inch of a twenty-foot eucalyptus bending over the gully bottom behind our house.  Too high to jump, I hugged that tree like family, scooting along limbs, petrified of making one deadly mistake that might break my neck.  I crawl-walked monkey style, maneuvering my arms and legs around the gnarled cross branch up to my safest nest, carrying my dolls in my teeth, like a wild orphan, looking down at my friend like a giant. Continue reading “comforting branches” »

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my own bullfight

November 15th, 2016
pancho

Pancho had a temper and looked like this

Pancho was the name of all the bulls who lived on the Reed Station ranch in the 1940’s and 1950’s, before our Tiburon subdivision was developed.  I knew Pancho’s successor as a child.  He was mean, didn’t have a nose ring, and lived in the lower corral up the dirt path from our house.  I walked up to the corral, leaned over the fence and watched him stand around chewing dry grass, staring straight ahead. Continue reading “my own bullfight” »

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drunk man’s daughter

November 8th, 2016
I dove and never wanted to come up

I dove and never wanted to come up

When I was twelve, my father blacked out at the nearby Strawberry recreation pool and slipped on its deck, split his elbow open, blood everywhere.  I don’t know how he made it home.  The next morning, he sat outside on our patio, remorseful and bloated, with a huge white gauze bandage around his punctured elbow. Continue reading “drunk man’s daughter” »

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moon gazing

November 1st, 2016
moon

beautiful moon

The first time I really gazed at the moon was when I lived a hippie life in an Southern Oregon cabin on Coleman Creek.  My friends and I rented a little red house with woodstove and outhouse in the middle of the woods. Continue reading “moon gazing” »

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dog love

October 25th, 2016
adoring affection

adoring affection

My chihuahua looks at me with such much adoration that it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve such love.  I’m not the greatest master, not bad, but not one who spends endless hours petting and hugging him. We sit on the couch at night, and he unblinkingly stares at me as if I determine when the sun sets and the moon rises.  I am the center of his universe.

This little guy is my most loyal friend in the world.  He waits and adores, how to respond?  He’s thrilled when I deem him worthy of attention, and he smiles with joy. He’s a little cutie pie.  Other dogs have loved me, and I love them, but Frosty/Cubby stands alone with his loving gazes.  My husband and I have two names for him.

Frosty licks, though, and it’s a problem because I don’t like to be flick-licked.  He can’t help it, even when I tell him “no.”  He’s compulsive.  He’s desperate for my approval, and wants all of my attention.  He doesn’t seem embarrassed by his neediness.  He doesn’t seem to care where it came from, either.

I’m compulsive too. I annoy my friends and family.  I don’t lick like Frosty does, thank God, but I get on their nerves when I’m feeling needy.  I don’t need to know why I feel needy, just recognize the feeling and not judge it when it arises.

I want to not be embarrassed.  I want to try having some patience with neediness as part of my character.

I bet my Chihuahua doesn’t know how much he has taught me to better identify my feelings and not be ashamed.

 

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change

October 18th, 2016
trying to change the world

trying to change the world

I thought Beatniks of the 1950’s and 1960’s were the most creative nonconformists in the world.  Hanging out in coffee shops with friends, sharing political and artistic efforts that changed the world was important in New York’s Greenwich village.  As a kid, San Francisco’s North Beach expanded my desire to create beauty, and tell the truth.  I was a fourteen year-old hippie and I sang folk music during the “Summer of Love.”  It was the year before my father committed suicide.

Pete Seeger was a brave role model, and I memorized Turn Turn Turn and the time for every purpose under Heaven.  My friend’s brother in-law Earl was the first Marine I knew who was killed in Vietnam, leaving his widowed young wife and two baby girls.  Singing Dylan’s Blowing in the Wind reinforced my belief that I did not want any more people to die.

Courageous ideas were changing America.  African Americans were marching for equality.  My Episcopal minister in Mill Valley divided members of his congregation because he marched in Selma, Alabama.

In college, I protested against Plutonium and the proliferation of nuclear weapons.  I do not want more bombs dropped on this globe.

I believe the adage, “Think Globally, and Act Locally.”  I want artists to continue believing in causes, organizing fundraisers to make the world better.  I taught in public schools because I love young people, and I want to empower them.

We can inspire each other. We have a history of music inspiring hope.  Listening to the old folksongs continues caring.

Each generation includes people who want change.  Long live activists who strive for change. Long live vibrant young people.

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