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passionate immortality

September 23rd, 2014
ancient Celtic Gospel pages

Book of Kells  pages

I cannot expect my children to transcribe 35 personal journals I’ve written on this earth.  Like a hoarder, I’ve held onto my journals as valuable to others, but understand it is not truly the case.

My friend’s mother passed away years ago, leaving over 1000 journal/scrapbooks organized like  resources for a human Google search engine.  She organized a lifetime of topics, magazine articles cut out, photographs from botany to zoology, shelves filled her entire home, bedrooms, livingroom, diningroom and her garage.

My friend kept only one index of her mother’s, because it was her handwriting, reminding her of mother’s passion.  Many scrapbooks were donated to a small logging camp’s ‘library,’ which may not be accessible to other people who want a look at those books.  I want to see the volumes all together.  I went to look at her collection, and the place was closed indefinitely, no sign of ever being open again. Continue reading “passionate immortality” »

Guarding Against Forgetting

September 9th, 2014

st hilarysThe Old St. Hilary’s Catholic Church in downtown Tiburon, California is the most recognized historical structure in town. It is no longer only a Catholic building, but stands for history of the old days.  Tiburon Landmarks Society commemorated the building with a project. They recruited local volunteers to needlepointing local wildflowers  designs on  kneelers for each of the sixteen pews. Since the Tiburon Mariposa lily on Ring Mountain became protected as an endangered flower the same year my brother died, and was represented as one of the flowers on the kneelers, I volunteered to make a kneeler, but the coordinator gave me a blue iris design instead.  I didn’t really care, I just wanted my work to be in the old church. Continue reading “Guarding Against Forgetting” »

Patience came to my house

August 26th, 2014
1192-800

Mt.Shasta Lavender labryinth

I found a friend named Patience, and she comes from Texas.  I stopped by the Shasta Lavender Farm and Patience was cutting lavender, wearing a purple shirt in early summer.   There is a growing lavender industry in the Northwest, and I journeyed in Southern Oregon to see what some of the farms were doing.  The Siskiyou mountain region has similar elevation and looks much like ours in the Central Sierras.  My husband and I have considered several different business options to make the ranch viable.  One of our ideas was to grow lavender as a crop.  I introduced myself, and Patience told me her name. Virtue to virtue, Patience and Prudence, I trusted her, and  invited Patience to visit our ranch as a consultant, check out our land, to see if lavender would make a good crop for us.  She came up this weekend.

I want to build a lavender labyrinth out of lavender bushes, bring purple beauty spirit onto our property.  Patience came to our house, and  gave us practical information about lavender, explaining much of the business to us.  She is also familiar with labyrinths, and added several excellent ideas about what and where we might build one here.  As a practical and successful business person, Patience offered ideas for how I can trust my intuition to make something beautiful for my family and for our upcountry community, and my husband is willing to lend a helping hand with my project. Continue reading “Patience came to my house” »

Where does the inside meet the outside?

August 19th, 2014

my tubes in snow

My childhood friend’s very short mother stood eye to eye in front of me, a seven-year old, and shook her finger at me, “YOU are so BIG!”   I remember thinking, “big was bad.”  I wondered why I was not seen for who I was.   When I grew to over 5’10” and over two hundred pounds at certain points of my life, men and women have called me ‘a force.’  Something is dreadfully wrong.   I scare people who think they know me, but they don’t know my insides.

I do not think of myself as big, or a force.  I am strong enough to move a roll top desk by myself, shovel a ditch and spread forty five-gallon buckets of pea gravel into a zen garden.  I have always felt like an athlete, not a fast one, but capable of swimming over a mile at a time without struggle.  I rely on my strength to feel accomplished.  I have felt shame and confusion from being judged because of it.

My pinball approach to life, acting and then feeling weird about what I did, is part of my character.  I’m trying to articulate what is going on inside of me. Continue reading “Where does the inside meet the outside?” »

Miracles large and small

August 5th, 2014

Sergio Lennon contemplates life

My high school friend recently witnessed the birth of her grandson.  I can only imagine watching such a miracle, to watch life enter this world.  She felt miraculous inspiration, to see an extension of herself, brand new, come through her daughter.

My oldest son turns thirty in a few days, which seems like a landmark age, for him and for me.  I was thirty-two when he was born, but it seems like yesterday.  I wanted him to live, and when they cut his cord, I said something like, “He’s his own man now.” Corny, but true. My son is his own man now, turning thirty in one week.  The twenties are done for him, here comes his next decade.  Of course, the same goes for me in the decades I’ve been around, but witnessing other people growing up and old seems more miraculous.  Hopefully, we both stack up memories through the development of our lives.  Continue reading “Miracles large and small” »

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Blueberries for Carol, Sandy and Pru

July 29th, 2014

blueberriesYipee! My first blueberry picking invitation! Carol and Sandy invited me, and picked me up early in the next morning.  We drove up Lily Gap road ten miles to Mills You-Pick Blueberry Farm outside of West Point, California, acres of blueberries, with hundreds of bushes, all types and sizes.  Three dollars per pound for you-pick, about half the cost in a store these days.  The area is netted over the hundreds of bushes, so birds don’t win the picking game.  The sun wasn’t up yet, so it was still cool.

Sandy pulled her car up to a nearby little trailer used for headquarters, and I watched a skunk scurry out from the bushes, and run under the fence into the woods.  Mr.Mills came over on his all terrain vehicle to greet us and get us going.  One gallon milk jugs cut open at the top hung from a tree, for use as collecting buckets.  My friends had brought their own containers, but I only brought plastic bags, so I tried his milk jug method, very easy. Continue reading “Blueberries for Carol, Sandy and Pru” »

Easing My Sense Of Absence

June 3rd, 2014
my friend

my best friend as a child

My hairdresser recently asked me why I made a website. I told her I started it to promote my first manuscript. The blog thing sort of happened as an offshoot. But the story began when my brain caught fire. I wrote a book to explain what went down as I grew up.

In 1968,  my family suffered loss, with death and alcoholism. I was a lost girl, pretending to be ‘normal’ in the world.  That same year, my best girlfriend attacked her mom with scissors. Her family placed her in a crisis unit, and she never got out. She has been institutionalized her entire life.  No one really understood what happened, but people thought I ought to know, since I was her best friend around the time of her violent outburst.  I felt like I should know why she became a ‘paranoid schizophrenic.’ I didn’t know why illnesses get people like they do.  Continue reading “Easing My Sense Of Absence” »

Guided Imagery changed my orbit

May 20th, 2014
Mooka knew how to let his imagination bloom

Mooka knew how to let his imagination bloom

My nurse friend sent me a link to a nursing journal article about Guided Imagery used as a valid nursing tool.  I’m responding to this topic from a liberal arts point of view. I have healed from Guided Imagery experiences and happily share them with you, in hopes you will find them useful.

Theatre was a wonderful major in college, and I had a blast in those classes. So many opportunities to grow and develop various skills, writing, performing, directing, designing and constructing stage sets, working in the team spirit to accomplish deadlines. In my opinion, Liberal Arts majors like those of us in Theatre, can respect what we learned in our classes. For instance, in basic theatre classes, we learned to relax and concentrate with visualization exercises, and it was there I first learned about Guided Imagery.

Continue reading “Guided Imagery changed my orbit” »

this is a prayer for all of us who try do something with our lives

May 13th, 2014
mr.rogers

Mr.Rogers mom told him to
look for the helpers

for us who care about seven generations of blood coursing our veins

for past insignificances that keep us up late

on cloudy nights when trees are all black and still the sky is blue

for present insecurities because we haven’t cured cancer

or kept the sun from going out

or prevented our children from growing up and moving away like we did

Continue reading “this is a prayer for all of us who try do something with our lives” »

The truth of knowing and feeling at the same time

April 15th, 2014

 

Seth Augustus sings as a compassionate witness to that melancholy feeling of knowing the people we love and not being with them anymore. I feel like I’ve always known this song.

 

http://Seth Augustus Trickeries of the Great Emptiness

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