
site of magic
Sometimes the unexpected makes this life worth living. Butte fire evacuation was lifted in our area yesterday, so I returned with three dogs and stuff I think I need. Our house still stands. Continue reading “blessed life” »

site of magic
Sometimes the unexpected makes this life worth living. Butte fire evacuation was lifted in our area yesterday, so I returned with three dogs and stuff I think I need. Our house still stands. Continue reading “blessed life” »

my mother grew up in a house like this
Our house had no mirrors, except for the medicine cabinet in our tiny bathroom. I sat in the sink after my baths with my hair twisted up in a towel, staring into my tiny reflection, grooving on how glamorous I was in a turban. Continue reading “Early times” »

me in Mexico
I don’t remember the moment my heart started beating, but I’m paying attention now. My heart continues to beat and I’ll breathe while I tell you what is true. When I started writing, I did not expect to board what feels like a skyrocket. Continue reading “would you want to read this?” »

the kid’s eyes say it all
Sad stuff goes on and on. I have learned to accept what I can, and manage my life beyond negativity, especially if I can’t do anything except change my attitude. Continue reading “facing negative emotions” »

call it shame or guilt, the feelings aren’t the same
One person calls it shame, the other calls it guilt. What’s the difference?
When discussing emotions with a friend, I tell her how I experience shame, but it is not the same emotion my friend describes when she experiences guilt. She doesn’t use the word shame to describe her feelings, and I don’t use the word guilt to describe mine. Why not? It’s likely that culture created the associations with those words that we both understand differently. I wanted to better understand what I was feeling, so I investigated the definitions. Continue reading “the difference between shame and guilt” »

what a face
Thank you for reading my blog. In my opinion, blog writing is similar to the sound of one hand clapping in its energy and focus, because something goes on, but may not make noise. There is a sad ‘no read’ blog world out there, and I’m probably in that category, but so what? Who determines sad? What is the sound of one hand clapping? Clapping becomes part of the wind, like a leaf blows. It may be like a butterfly wing flutter that changes the world.
I need to write about what’s going on in my mind, and gaze at words I’ve written down. I feel a sacred desire to express myself, like picking up rocks and looking at surprises underneath. I don’t see writing as a lonely activity. What fascination to consider the history of each letter, and combining letters into comprehensive word and ideas become antiquity, like Chaucer or Beowulf. I will be antiquity soon enough, but not today. I am not Chaucer, but who knows what influence blogs will have in a thousand years?
Changing the subject: my seventeen year-old cat had his annual shots, and even though he looks healthy for an old guy, he is losing weight. I don’t want him to die and he’s not sick, but the train’s coming down the track, so to speak. I need him in my life, and I’ve written other blogs about him. I’m experiencing guilt for choosing not to get blood work done on him. Why do blood work to find out what’s going on? Yes, I’d get information, but he’s on borrowed time already.
I pick up my cat and love him as much as he allows me to hold him. He’ll let me brush him and then scratches me to draw blood before he jumps off my lap. I don’t need ‘cat scratch fever. ‘
Blogging may be seen as self-indulgent, like blathering about my cat. Maybe it is blather, but maybe when I reach out about simple things, it makes a difference, like the fluttering butterfly wing. If I write a little about my love toward my cat, it can’t be all that bad, can it? I don’t need to write the Declaration of Independence every week.

talking helps
“How are you doing?”
“Fine…”
“No, how are YOU REALLY doing?”
An indigenous basketmaking man named Richard lives in our town, and we’ve had occasional conversations through the years. It’s not like we’re close, but we like each other. As I drove by the other day, I saw him alongside Highway 88 cutting willow branches into a pile. I made a u-turn and parked my car. Continue reading “eye to eye and win/win” »

carved marble maze hallway
I just woke up from a dream where I became lost and remained lost. I call it Trying to find my group. In this dream, I left Avalon accidentally, and got deeper into a maze of trying to return to Avalon. I woke up before I found the dock which would take me back. I still feel anxious, like I should continue to strive. It always helps to write down the dream and let it go. Continue reading “dream work” »

Brian Wilson and his family at the Greek Theatre concert in Los Angeles.
This is my birthday month, so I’m reflecting on my age and looking at my life from years of experience. It’s hard to believe I’m 63 years old, because I don’t feel like any age at all. The body’s older, but I still feel like me.
I notice Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys seems enthusiastic enough to defy age, and he recently had a birthday at the end of June. He performed a concert at the Greek Theatre, opening with folk singer Rodriguez, who was the subject of the documentary, Looking for Sugar Man. Continue reading “It’ s never too late” »

sunrise over ocean
I love music so much. I remember where and when songs played in my life. My first kiss occurred in seventh grade, with George, under a pool table at Korinne Koltoff’s house, while her juke box played the Beach Boys’ Surfer Girl. My friends loved the Beatles, but I resonated with Brian Wilson Beach Boys’ harmonies and their tender sounds. I was a Stinson Beach body surfer girl. Continue reading “I wish he knew” »